In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
