You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
