I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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