All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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