My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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