I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
