My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
