I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
