I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
