mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize