I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
