Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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