we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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