Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
