I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
