I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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