Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
