oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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