he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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