The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize