I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
