I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
