I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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