I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
