Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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