my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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