dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
