The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
