dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
