I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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