Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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