after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize