My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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