mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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