Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
