I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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