Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
