i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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