She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
smell my finger.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
