Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
