ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize