Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
