he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
