her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have fence marks all over my body
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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