We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
