my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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