watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
