I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
