Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
