I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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