dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
