Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
