soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
