Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
