I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
