Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
