Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize