The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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