That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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