Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
