Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
