Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
