Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
