I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
