I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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