Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
foreskin is a definite game changer
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
