We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
