i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
